An open letter from a father to his son
A Letter to my son Michael J. Santiago Jr.
So now you’re a teenager, taking a big step toward being an adult – being a man. [if mso & !supportInlineShapes & supportFields]><span style='mso-element:field-begin;mso-field-lock:yes'></span><span style='mso-spacerun:yes'> </span>SHAPE <span style='mso-spacerun:yes'> </span>\* MERGEFORMAT <span style='mso-element:field-separator'></span><![endif][if gte vml 1]><v:rect id="AutoShape_x0020_1" o:spid="_x0000_s1026" alt="🙂" style='width:24pt; height:24pt;visibility:visible;mso-wrap-style:square;mso-left-percent:-10001; mso-top-percent:-10001;mso-position-horizontal:absolute; mso-position-horizontal-relative:char;mso-position-vertical:absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative:line;mso-left-percent:-10001;mso-top-percent:-10001; v-text-anchor:top' o:gfxdata="UEsDBBQABgAIAAAAIQC75UiUBQEAAB4CAAATAAAAW0NvbnRlbnRfVHlwZXNdLnhtbKSRvU7DMBSF dyTewfKKEqcMCKEmHfgZgaE8wMW+SSwc27JvS/v23KTJgkoXFsu+P+c7Ol5vDoMTe0zZBl/LVVlJ gV4HY31Xy4/tS3EvRSbwBlzwWMsjZrlprq/W22PELHjb51r2RPFBqax7HCCXIaLnThvSAMTP1KkI +gs6VLdVdad08ISeCho1ZLN+whZ2jsTzgcsnJwldluLxNDiyagkxOquB2Knae/OLUsyEkjenmdzb mG/YhlRnCWPnb8C898bRJGtQvEOiVxjYhtLOxs8AySiT4JuDystlVV4WPeM6tK3VaILeDZxIOSsu ti/jidNGNZ3/J08yC1dNv9v8AAAA//8DAFBLAwQUAAYACAAAACEArTA/8cEAAAAyAQAACwAAAF9y ZWxzLy5yZWxzhI/NCsIwEITvgu8Q9m7TehCRpr2I4FX0AdZk2wbbJGTj39ubi6AgeJtl2G9m6vYx jeJGka13CqqiBEFOe2Ndr+B03C3WIDihMzh6RwqexNA281l9oBFTfuLBBhaZ4ljBkFLYSMl6oAm5 8IFcdjofJ0z5jL0MqC/Yk1yW5UrGTwY0X0yxNwri3lQgjs+Qk/+zfddZTVuvrxO59CNCmoj3vCwj MfaUFOjRhrPHaN4Wv0VV5OYgm1p+LW1eAAAA//8DAFBLAwQUAAYACAAAACEAs+X8QPACAACFBgAA HwAAAGNsaXBib2FyZC9kcmF3aW5ncy9kcmF3aW5nMS54bWykVUtu2zAQ3RfoHQjuFUmO/JEQJUj8 KQqkbRA3B6Ap2iJKkSpJ/1p001t01Sv2CB1Scqw4RReJFslwOPP45nGGvrjaVQJtmDZcyRzHZxFG TFJVcLnK8cPnWTDCyFgiCyKUZDneM4OvLt++uSDZSpO65BQBgjQZyXFpbZ2FoaElq4g5UzWTsLdU uiIWlnoVFppsAbkSYS+KBmFFuMSXR6gJsQStNX8BlFD0CyvGRG6IAUhBs66n5Sjo65FJJjfvdD2v 77RjTj9u7jTiRY5BOUkqkAiH7UYbBsvwJGt1BNgtdeXi1XKJdh5l7/56DLaziILzPEpGEeBT2Grt 5ozy0z+yaDn9bx6QaQ4Fo0PE1I6G3DyvLD5Udr22al6SmiFwFcxQneM/v3/9fKz4kGvqW7gPg6Qa l0Su2LWpGbXQX4B0cGmttiUjhXHuRiMQs0Hweh3BQOHF9oMqQFwCFHzLvFy3x/pJVmtj3zFVIWfk WANJD042t8Y2nA4hXhw140J46YV84gDMxgNXBqluz12e7+XvaZROR9NREiS9wTRIoskkuJ6Nk2Aw i4f9yflkPJ7EP9y5cZKVvCiYdMcc5ipOnjVtxalWRi3tGVVVCJ3DKTvMFkxWHB0nyyjBCwfnKBm9 WoyFRhsicjzzX6t8Jyx8SsM3L9RyUlLcS6KbXhrMBqNhkMySfpAOo1EQxelNOoiSNJnMnpZ0yyV7 fUlom+O03+v7W+qQPqkt8t/z2khWccs0ErzKMYwUfE3vukacysJfrSVcNHZHCkf/KAVc9+GiwTTt W2B3cz9Ddnejir0TbAH/oXm1guaC+YV3FoxS6W8YbeH1zLH5uiaaYSTeS5iDNE4SCLN+kfSHPVjo 7s6iu0MkBagcW4wac2xhBSnrWvNVCSfFXiap3NwuedvQDSfHThg7t3vBfNWeOZPFHdHkHjgLmNsc Mxk8zFsdIQKKPRa3Nmxe38PINIPSVO/lgMCTB9intj8Y7pXvri//AgAA//8DAFBLAwQUAAYACAAA ACEAnE5eIeIGAAA6HAAAGgAAAGNsaXBib2FyZC90aGVtZS90aGVtZTEueG1s7FlPbxtFFL8j8R1G e2/j/42jOlXs2A20aaPYLepxvB7vTjO7s5oZJ/UNtUckJERBHKjEjQMCKrUSl/JpAkVQpH4F3szs rnfiNUnbCCpoDvHu29+8/+/Nm93LV+5FDB0SISmPO171YsVDJPb5hMZBx7s1GlxY95BUOJ5gxmPS 8eZEelc233/vMt7wGU3GHIvJKCQRQcAolhu444VKJRtra9IHMpYXeUJieDblIsIKbkWwNhH4CARE bK1WqbTWIkxjbxM4Ks2oz+BfrKQm+EwMNRuCYhyB9JvTKfWJwU4Oqhoh57LHBDrErOMBzwk/GpF7 ykMMSwUPOl7F/Hlrm5fX8Ea6iKkVawvrBuYvXZcumBzUjEwRjHOh1UGjfWk7528ATC3j+v1+r1/N +RkA9n2w1OpS5NkYrFe7Gc8CyF4u8+5VmpWGiy/wry/p3O52u812qotlakD2srGEX6+0Gls1B29A Ft9cwje6W71ey8EbkMW3lvCDS+1Ww8UbUMhofLCE1gEdDFLuOWTK2U4pfB3g65UUvkBBNuTZpUVM eaxW5VqE73IxAIAGMqxojNQ8IVPsQ072cDQWFGsBeIPgwhNL8uUSSctC0hc0UR3vwwTHXgHy8tn3 L589Qcf3nx7f/+n4wYPj+z9aRs6qHRwHxVUvvv3sz0cfoz+efPPi4RfleFnE//rDJ7/8/Hk5EMpn Yd7zLx//9vTx868+/f27hyXwLYHHRfiIRkSiG+QI7fMIDDNecTUnY/FqK0YhpsUVW3EgcYy1lBL+ fRU66BtzzNLoOHp0ievB2wLaRxnw6uyuo/AwFDNFSyRfCyMHuMs563JR6oVrWlbBzaNZHJQLF7Mi bh/jwzLZPRw78e3PEuibWVo6hvdC4qi5x3CscEBiopB+xg8IKbHuDqWOX3epL7jkU4XuUNTFtNQl Izp2smmxaIdGEJd5mc0Qb8c3u7dRl7Myq7fJoYuEqsCsRPkRYY4br+KZwlEZyxGOWNHh17EKy5Qc zoVfxPWlgkgHhHHUnxApy9bcFGBvIejXMHSs0rDvsnnkIoWiB2U8r2POi8htftALcZSUYYc0DovY D+QBpChGe1yVwXe5WyH6HuKA45Xhvk2JE+7Tu8EtGjgqLRJEP5mJklheJdzJ3+GcTTExrQaautOr Ixr/XeNmFDq3lXB+jRta5fOvH5Xo/ba27C3YvcpqZudEo16FO9mee1xM6NvfnbfxLN4jUBDLW9S7 5vyuOXv/+ea8qp7PvyUvujA0aD2L2EHbjN3Ryql7Shkbqjkj16UZvCXsPZMBEPU6c7ok+SksCeFS VzIIcHCBwGYNElx9RFU4DHECQ3vV00wCmbIOJEq4hMOiIZfy1ngY/JU9ajb1IcR2DonVLp9Ycl2T s7NGzsZoFZgDbSaorhmcVVj9UsoUbHsdYVWt1JmlVY1qpik60nKTtYvNoRxcnpsGxNybMNQgGIXA yy0432vRcNjBjEy0322MsrCYKJxniGSIJySNkbZ7OUZVE6QsV5YM0XbYZNAHx1O8VpDW1mzfQNpZ glQU11ghLovem0Qpy+BFlIDbyXJkcbE4WYyOOl67WWt6yMdJx5vCORkuowSiLvUciVkAb5h8JWza n1rMpsoX0WxnhrlFUIVXH9bvSwY7fSARUm1jGdrUMI/SFGCxlmT1rzXBredlQEk3OpsW9XVIhn9N C/CjG1oynRJfFYNdoGjf2du0lfKZImIYTo7QmM3EPobw61QFeyZUwusO0xH0Dbyb0942j9zmnBZd 8Y2YwVk6ZkmI03arSzSrZAs3DSnXwdwV1APbSnU3xr26Kabkz8mUYhr/z0zR+wm8fahPdAR8eNEr MNKV0vG4UCGHLpSE1B8IGBxM74Bsgfe78BiSCt5Km19BDvWvrTnLw5Q1HCLVPg2QoLAfqVAQsgdt yWTfKcyq6d5lWbKUkcmogroysWqPySFhI90DW3pv91AIqW66SdoGDO5k/rn3aQWNAz3kFOvN6WT5 3mtr4J+efGwxg1FuHzYDTeb/XMV8PFjsqna9WZ7tvUVD9IPFmNXIqgKEFbaCdlr2r6nCK261tmMt WVxrZspBFJctBmI+ECXwDgnpf7D/UeEz+wVDb6gjvg+9FcHHC80M0gay+oIdPJBukJY4hsHJEm0y aVbWtenopL2WbdbnPOnmck84W2t2lni/orPz4cwV59TieTo79bDja0tb6WqI7MkSBdI0O8iYwJR9 ydrFCRoH1Y4HX5Mg0PfgCr5HeUCraVpN0+AKPjLBsGS/DHW89CKjwHNLyTH1jFLPMI2M0sgozYwC w1n6DSajtKBT6c8m8NlO/3go+0ICE1z6RSVrqs7nvs2/AAAA//8DAFBLAwQUAAYACAAAACEAnGZG QbsAAAAkAQAAKgAAAGNsaXBib2FyZC9kcmF3aW5ncy9fcmVscy9kcmF3aW5nMS54bWwucmVsc4SP zQrCMBCE74LvEPZu0noQkSa9iNCr1AcIyTYtNj8kUezbG+hFQfCyMLPsN7NN+7IzeWJMk3ccaloB Qae8npzhcOsvuyOQlKXTcvYOOSyYoBXbTXPFWeZylMYpJFIoLnEYcw4nxpIa0cpEfUBXNoOPVuYi o2FBqrs0yPZVdWDxkwHii0k6zSF2ugbSL6Ek/2f7YZgUnr16WHT5RwTLpRcWoIwGMwdKV2edNS1d gYmGff0m3gAAAP//AwBQSwECLQAUAAYACAAAACEAu+VIlAUBAAAeAgAAEwAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAW0NvbnRlbnRfVHlwZXNdLnhtbFBLAQItABQABgAIAAAAIQCtMD/xwQAAADIBAAALAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAADYBAABfcmVscy8ucmVsc1BLAQItABQABgAIAAAAIQCz5fxA8AIAAIUGAAAfAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAACACAABjbGlwYm9hcmQvZHJhd2luZ3MvZHJhd2luZzEueG1sUEsBAi0AFAAGAAgAAAAh AJxOXiHiBgAAOhwAABoAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATQUAAGNsaXBib2FyZC90aGVtZS90aGVtZTEueG1s UEsBAi0AFAAGAAgAAAAhAJxmRkG7AAAAJAEAACoAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZwwAAGNsaXBib2FyZC9k cmF3aW5ncy9fcmVscy9kcmF3aW5nMS54bWwucmVsc1BLBQYAAAAABQAFAGcBAABqDQAAAAA= " filled="f" stroked="f"> <o:lock v:ext="edit" aspectratio="t"></o:lock> <w:wrap type="none"></w:wrap> <w:anchorlock></w:anchorlock> </v:rect><![endif][if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" o:preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"> <v:stroke joinstyle="miter"></v:stroke> <v:formulas> <v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"></v:f> <v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"></v:f> <v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"></v:f> <v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"></v:f> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f> <v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"></v:f> <v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"></v:f> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f> <v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"></v:f> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f> <v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"></v:f> </v:formulas> <v:path o:extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect"></v:path> <o:lock v:ext="edit" aspectratio="t"></o:lock> </v:shapetype><![endif][if mso & !supportInlineShapes & supportFields]><v:shape id="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75" style='width:24pt;height:24pt'> <v:imagedata croptop="-65520f" cropbottom="65520f"></v:imagedata> </v:shape><span style='mso-element:field-end'></span><![endif] I bet that’s SUPER exciting and also a little scary too. This letter may seem a little long, but I hope that it helps with the scary part… it is a letter I wish that I had received at your age.
Maybe the most important thing I can share with you is that the answer – about what it means to be a man – is that you already are. The hard part is to accept and truly believe it. I know, it sounds crazy! By now you probably have learned that most people assume that to be valuable, guys need to be MEN. The really sad part is that the kind of “man” they think they’re supposed to be, isn’t even possible – and more importantly, you’re already good enough. You’re valuable; you’re the center of your mom and dad’s (and even big sister’s) world because you’re amazing, kind, and love-able person, not just because they’re your family. Understand that in life you will face many challenges, some may require you to show emotion, and it’s ok. As men we all are human and have feelings, I do not want you to ever think it is not ok to show emotion when your happy or sad.
Friendships are something to treasure and maintain throughout life. Remember that you allow good and bad influences by who you choose to call a friend. Be selective in opening that door and allowing someone special into your life. There is such thing as having female friends however, they are to be treated with such respect you would show your grandmother, mother and older sisters. They may be a time you may become upset with a woman later in life, be very careful in the manner you choose to speak to her. Always remember that just as I did, you may also father a little girl someday and would not like for her to be mistreated.
So if I were to offer a list of my tips for how to be a man, it might look like this:
1. Take a long look in the mirror, and see the tender heart, the love, strength, and courage that make you a great person. See the brother that Tricia and Myleen see – the most incredible person they know.
2. Commit to love yourself, even when you don’t feel like it. You already know life isn’t always easy, and sometimes it is really hard. But, never let yourself believe the lies that you aren’t enough – you already are.
3. Commit to love others, even (or especially) when you don’t feel like it. This can be SUPER hard, but the truth is that being mad at someone else is exhausting and doesn’t help you be happy. And, you may help them see that they can love themselves too. Sometimes being open and caring is dangerous to you, but sometimes it is free-ing for you and others. Strive to learn the difference.
4. Believe in and chase your dreams just because they’re beautiful – no matter what others say. What is the point in living a life that’s just ok anyway – nobody goes to Disneyland and just sits on a bench right? Your life is a precious opportunity – like Disneyland with no lines and no closing time, or not just seats at your favorite pro-sports games, but playing time too!
5. Know the real meaning of Courage. Courage (isn’t) not feeling fear. Courage is being terrified, and still doing what you know is right because it is right… it comes from love for yourself and for other human beings. THAT kind of courage is rare, and is what real strength looks like.
6. Know that you’re a leader – especially when it seems impossible. Even when you feel like nobody cares what you think or do, you must remember that people are always watching to see what you think. We all influence people – ALL the time. And this is especially true when you live with real courage, because it is so rare.
7. Expect the best from yourself, but never perfection. Striving to be true to your expectations for yourself is important, but so is giving yourself permission to make mistakes. Those mistakes often teach us important lessons, which we could never have learned otherwise. Just remember, you’re enough and try again.
I Love you with all my heart Son,
Love Dad